Your absence

Sunday was Mom’s birthday. We went and ate at Pizzaghetti, in Lavon. We all sat on the back patio and ate and just visited. Mom and I didn’t do much talking about really anything we just soaked up the time we were spending with family.
But your absence was felt, in the moments when Addie was being picked on and you didn’t fuss about it, in the moments when she would pick back, and your laughter was silent. In the moments when Austin’s little boy was just scooping up the ranch and eating it. Not eating the celery but using it as a spoon, and you laughter of Austin having to clean his dirty face up was silent. In the way we sang happy birthday, just a little sadder than we had previous times. In the silence when Mom read her birthday card that Addison had picked out. Where you would have laughed and just had a go with it, it was silent. In the way Momma, silently read what I had wrote her knowing you would have wrote something similar. Your absence was felt in the hug Momma gave me that didn’t seem to want to end.
You were missed more than you will ever truly know. I know your spirit was there with Mom all day on Sunday, as birthdays were your favorite time to celebrate other people. Dude you would have loved having everyone at the table for Mom. You never really let other people know but you LOVED momma with all your soul. You always wanted to pick on her and say you were just annoyed with her, but you really loved her.
We didn’t say anything but we all knew your absence was greater than we wanted to admit.
Tomorrow is Cody’s birthday, and also marks 1 month since we said goodbye to you. It is going to be bitter sweet. I don’t know how to celebrate him when I am still missing part of my soul and that day marks an entire month without you. This has been the longest month of my life. Will it get better? Will the days get shorter? Will the hours start to fly by again?