🪞 My Life This is where I started—not at the beginning of everything, but at the moment I decided I didn’t want my past to keep writing the story for me. I created this space to speak out loud about the things I’ve lived through. To untangle old knots. To try healing, even if it… Continue reading This Is Where I start
You didn’t call
Dude, Friday was my birthday. I turned 35. Dude—35. Oh, the hell you would’ve given me for almost being 40 years old. I'm almost over the hill. That’s what we said to Dad when he turned 40, remember? Oh, how my life is so fucking different since you left me. Every year, you were insistent… Continue reading You didn’t call
I feel you
People often say that we don't really ever lose our loved ones, they visit us in different forms. Some people see cardinals, but me, Alan I see you in Dragonflies. I have always loved the dragonfly and the spiritual meaning of seeing them. In my garden in the past, I have had butterflies, and all… Continue reading I feel you
Your absence
Sunday was Mom's birthday. We went and ate at Pizzaghetti, in Lavon. We all sat on the back patio and ate and just visited. Mom and I didn't do much talking about really anything we just soaked up the time we were spending with family. But your absence was felt, in the moments when Addie… Continue reading Your absence
Slow Down
Is this really my life now? I think about you all the time, I get a pit in my stomach when I think about you. I miss the fucking shit out of you right now. I regret all the times I could have spent the day with you and choose to have my own life.… Continue reading Slow Down
From my Soul to Yours
Mom closed your bank account today, yesterday they picked out your gravestone material, they decided what to put on the front, what scriptures to put on the back. Alan, I have missed you so much here lately. The Texas Rangers have been winning games. Every time they win all I can think about is your… Continue reading From my Soul to Yours
What is normal?
Most people have a "normal" childhood. Normal: conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected. That is the definition of normal as per the dictionary. However, what really is a normal childhood? Many would say that would be an able bodied person going to school with both parents in the home, one or both of… Continue reading What is normal?
28 Years
Oh Alan, my Lanay Ichaelmay Ayray. How do I sum up 28 years of our lives? How do I tell tell people how much I love you, how big of a hole is left in my soul and my being without you! How do I continue without you? For 28 years you have been there… Continue reading 28 Years
The Hand Hold
Alan used to hit me—not on purpose. His arms had a mind of their own when he got excited, and more often than not, I ended up with a shoulder bruise or fat lip. So I started holding his hand. It calmed him. Grounded him. Let him know it was okay. Even when he didn’t… Continue reading The Hand Hold
Let’s dive in.
Diving into my childhood, into what made me who I am today. I have given you a few glances, but I am going to really just dive in and start telling from what I can remember. My childhood was not a fancy rainbows and unicorns' kind of childhood. Mine was filled with traumatic experiences, and… Continue reading Let’s dive in.
Absolution Ascent Anchor 